You Are What You Smoke

I haven’t officially quit smoking marijuana, but I’ve reduced my habit by more than 95% over the last three months. The change has transformed my life in unexpected ways, bringing clarity, growth, and better health.

Better Sleep, Better Life

One of the first and most noticeable changes has been my sleep. When I smoked daily, my average time asleep was a mere 3 hours and 57 minutes. In the eight weeks since I’ve nearly stopped, that number has jumped to 6 hours and 44 minutes—a gain of nearly three hours. Sleep is foundational to health, and understanding both its benefits and the costs of sleep deprivation has made this change feel like a huge win.

Mental Health Matters

This past autumn, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a condition that involves emotional instability, impulsivity, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, and a distorted sense of self. Granted, another therapist that I’ve gone to for years says they wouldn’t diagnose me with BPD with a ten-foot pole. Reading I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus helped me understand what that looked like more and what I could identify with and help to stray from.

In hindsight, my smoking habit had a profound impact on my mental health. Years ago, a therapist told me I’d likely never quit unless I associated it with a negative experience. At the time, I dismissed her comment—I’d never had a bad trip, an arrest, or any overwhelming consequence. But as I began to recognize how smoking exacerbated my BPD traits, I realized the harm it was causing. I became a caricature of myself, and those closest to me bore the brunt of it. Therapy and mindfulness helped me identify triggers and regulate my emotions, and cutting back on smoking has been a key part of this progress.

Creativity and Growth

There’s a memorable South Park episode where Stan’s dad says, “Pot makes you feel fine with being bored, and it’s when you’re bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative.” While that sentiment might not apply to everyone, I’ve found it rings true in my own life. As I reduced smoking, I naturally gravitated toward new creative outlets, like cooking and baking and finally diving into making music in a way I never had before. These activities not only fill my time but also enrich my life in ways I never expected.

A Personal Choice

I want to be clear: everyone’s mind and body are different, and I don’t judge anyone for smoking, whether it’s for enjoyment or necessity. What works for me may not work for someone else. For me, though, the benefits of stepping back from smoking are undeniable. Better sleep, emotional regulation, and the joy of learning new skills have made this change worthwhile.

As I continue this journey, I’m grateful to be on this side of growth and self-discovery. Life feels fuller now, and I look forward to continuing to build healthy habits that enrich my mind, body, and soul.